When I have a few spoons and feel that I need to get back to cleaning my house, I am really concerned about doing too much and burning out again, inducing another fibromyalgia flare. So I have to consider that as I plan my return to domesticity. I don't want another setback that puts me to bed again. It's all about spoons!
The journey back to domesticity is not without peril. There is a fine line between adequate expenditure of energy and exhaustion. Exhaustion can sneak up on you and bite you on the heel when you least expect it. Each day is a challenge as you will see in reading this post.... this is a typical day in my life as a chronically ill wife....
I can be managing quite nicely, up to my chin in folding clean clothes on my bed, when suddenly I wake with a start to find that I have fallen asleep and dribbled all over my husbands' underpants and shirts.Or I can plunge my hand into a sink of the cold and slimy water for soaking dishes left over from yesterdays' dinner that were supposed to be done as soon as I got your second wind after cooking last night. Only the second wind didn't come: not even a breeze!
Vacuuming can take forever as I find that the bag needs emptying and I can't find a new one and as I search, I smell a rancid odour from the washer, where I find yesterdays' wash finished and patiently waiting to be hung out. The washer is reset to rinse the smelly load but I forget to look for the vacuum bag as I fret about how many spoons it will cost to hang the clothes out.
Starting to feel anxious and overwhelmed, I decide to have a cup of tea. A donut in the pantry calls my name and as I open the microwave to heat it, I am surprised by my bowl of porridge left there at 6 am when I got my husband's breakfast. Pulling a tissue out of the box, I have a little cry into my cup of tea as I munch my donut. I am hungry because I didn't actually eat breakfast after all.
Sick at heart and already feeling tired, I decide to just chuck the clothes in the dryer, soak the dishes in fresh hot soapy water for washing later on in the afternoon and I have a nap... after all, a nana nap will help my brain fog clear and I can catch up then. But the afternoon brings it own set of woes as I wake disoriented and feeling worse.
I consult my menu list only to find that even though I intended to get the meat out to defrost this morning, I had suddenly felt compelled to double check that I had taken my meds and then I forgot about the meat. With my confidence rattled, I wash the pans that are needed for tonight's cooking and resolve for the hundredth time today to do better.
Eventually the day draws to a close with the evenings' dishes soaking in the sink ready for that elusive second wind. And as I feed the cats and take my evening meds, I wonder if tomorrow will be any better...Lying in bed and in a funk bordering on depression, I start to pray for strength for the morrow and a restful nights' sleep. Only no thoughts come to pray with sense and I am swept into a fitful sleep on a long sighhhhh.
So ends another day and domesticity is still far far away.
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
"For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. " Isaiah 41:13